Finding and embracing blind optimism

On moving 8 different times as a kid, and somehow, always being weirdly excited, and curious about what the next place is like. I think about that optimism a lot, these days. Where did it come from?

Dear reader,

I finally started a Substack, hooray! I’m excited to share with you the behind the scenes of my life and the highs and lows of my writing journey! On the life front, I’m proud to report that I sent my oldest off to college and managed to move houses (local move), without losing my mind (mostly). It was the summer my back turned permanently sore!

It reminded me of all the summers I spent growing up. We moved to 8 different places, including three different motels. Man, was I a trooper back then. At every single of these places, my box of what I was allowed to take with me just kept getting smaller. I was shrinking as a person. Yet somehow, I was also weirdly excited, always curious about what the next place would be like.

I think about that optimism a lot, these days. Where did it come from?

Recently, I had to give a talk at my daughter’s school about my books. I’m a seasoned pro speaker by now. I’ve given thousands of these talks before, but this time I was actually NERVOUS. Suddenly, the stakes were high. What if I made a joke and no one laughed? Or worse, what if I shared something vulnerable and someone cackled?

All these are possible when you’re speaking in front of middle schoolers. But I got up there and I let the blind optimism take over, the same radical courage that led me to write about my life and put it out there for people to read in the first place. And guess what?

The kids all wanted to take a picture with me afterwards, including my own daughter, which was kind of hilarious because she’d given me a long lecture warning me to not make it obvious that I was her mom, in any shape or form. And here she was, wanting a selfie! 😂 I say this because we all need a little blind optimism these days. We need it, when everything makes sense, and we need it, even more, when nothing makes sense!

So on this Tuesday of Banned Books Week, I encourage you to be blindly optimist about our shared humanity. Keep reading, keep sharing the books you love, keep being enthusiastically you and bravely telling your story the way only YOU can!

With all my love,

Kelly

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Book news!

THE TAKE, my adult novel, comes out in April! See the cover reveal in People Magazine!

THE TAKE is about a young Asian American writer, Maggie Wang, who decides to sell her youth for $3M to an older white female Hollywood producer, Ingrid Parker. I loved writing the push-and-pull of Maggie and Ingrid’s relationship, as they partner up for a secret medical experiment to reverse Ingrid’s age. Both are so strong, so determined, know exactly what they want and aren’t afraid to go grab it, no matter what the cost.

Read the exclusive excerpt here:

She feels like she’s about to pass out as she stares at Maggie’s ruby youth gushing into her. She imagines it splashing through her body, across her chest, her gut, her pelvis, revitalizing everything it touches.

She’s never been one to feel grateful. Gratitude is a prison, trapping women in their place.

But this, right here, feels so godlike, it grips her throat how obscenely lucky she is. She’s so deeply humbled by this opportunity. If this works, it’ll forever free women. They’ll no longer feel compelled to rush through life. They’ll have the same luxury of time that men have. Forbes’s “30 Under 30” won’t feel quite as infuriating, nor “50 Over 50” quite as insulting. They’ll all finally just be ... women.

She turns to Maggie, who’s quiet and also staring at her IV tube.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

“Good! You?”

Ingrid nods, so emotional she can barely squeak a word. Maggie holds up her phone, and they take a selfie. Ingrid smiles next to Maggie, a cheesy smile that can’t possibly convey the magnitude of her emotions right now. As she glances at Maggie and the machine, she’s suddenly nostalgic for her mom.

“I wish my mom could have seen this. She used to say, if time travel were possible, women would have found a way to do it by now,” Ingrid glances down at her hands.

“Is she...?” Maggie asks.

“Passed away,” Ingrid says.

“I’m so sorry.” Maggie says. “What happened?”

Ingrid almost says cancer but then stops herself. “Just, you know, old age. But I think she’d be pretty blown away if she knew what modern science can do.” Before Maggie can ask her any more questions about her mom, Ingrid clears her throat. “I think I would have been a good scientist. There’s actually a lot that storytelling has in common with science.”

“Oh yeah?” Maggie asks, getting out a notebook.

Ingrid sits up, ready to begin her first lesson. “People think storytelling is all art. But I think it’s more about logic and the scientific method. Every story can go fifty thousand different ways. So really, it’s about trying out different things and not settling until you arrive at the very best combination of what’s possible.”

Maggie jots down her words. Her captivated eyes dance as Ingrid talks, and for a second Ingrid doesn’t know what feels more indulgent — trading blood with a young woman or having a young woman gaze at you with such admiration.

Almost immediately afterward, Ingrid feels a difference. She doesn’t know if it’s just the placebo effect, but as she bounces out of the treatment chair, every fiber of her being feels energized.

“How was it?” Dr. Hayes asks.

“Amazing!” It’s the understatement of the decade. The therapy was the most spiritual, calming and sinful experience of Ingrid’s life.

“Painless and inspiring,” Maggie reports, grinning at Ingrid.

Dr. Hayes is relieved.

“Now remember, you might still be a little woozy, so I would just take it easy today,” he tells them. “We’ll analyze both your blood, and I’ll message you if there are any concerns. Go home. Get to bed early.”

“I can’t. I have a screening tonight.” She suddenly turns to Maggie. She didn’t know if Maggie wanted to come. “Do you want to go? It’s of my latest movie, Uncharted.”

“Oh wow,” Maggie says, her eyes widening. “I’d love to, but I have to get over to Monterey Park. I’m taking my mom to the dentist!”

“That’s so nice of you,” Ingrid says. She’s a little bummed Maggie can’t come but also relieved. How would she introduce Maggie to her agent and her colleagues? She reminds herself to be very careful. As fun as it is teaching her new mentee, she has to remember, they have a very specific relationship.

Pic of me in my new house! I’ve claimed Eliot’s room as my office while he’s away at college! Do you like my new desk?

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